29 Sep 2024, 13:06 UTC • By: EV family sedan is a milestone of car making, owning, using, and caring for (insert vinyl-screeching noises here). What?! Even self-identified green machines need a bit of TLC despite their soulless existence. I know it’s not that old to fall into the age-old debate of ‘how do you keep your car in such good shape.’ And let’s be honest, show me one Tesla owner who can rightfully say, ‘I wrenched on this with my dad for two years before we got it back on the road.’ It’s not happening – all it takes is a computer and solid computer skills to make or break this primordial EV. Take that literally, as Tesla’s Over-The-Air troubleshooting (and, in some cases, servicing) takes away all the self-made joy from the ownership experience. However, even machines void of personality or identity can fall victim to neglect and lack of owner interest. Look at the following video and see what two years of oblivion have turned one 2015 Model S into. Granted, the car sat outside near some trees, and somebody started cutting them down, leaving sawdust everywhere. Photo: YouTube/WD Detailing The rough wood residue is great for many things, including facilitating mold growth, given the proper conditions (humidity and lack of ultraviolet radiation. In other words, wet and dark environments are a no-no for cars covered in sawdust filth). The lads from Wagner DiCesare Detailing drove 500 miles from Cleveland, Ohio, all the way down to Decatur, Illinois, to clean the car after it was bought by someone who plans to use it for more than a bacterial culture starter. As you might expect, there’s not much else on the Tesla except dirt and grime. Modern metallurgy and anti-corrosive chemistry are nothing short of magic compared to the industry's standards some five decades ago. But here’s the downside of this astronomically-sized leap in technological progress: the car’s main display is dead, and there’s not much the owner can do in his car without that touchscreen interface. Yeah, that would never happen in a classic car – being so utterly helpless and at the mercy of remote assistance. Photo: YouTube/WD Detailing Needless to say, Tesla’s service team opted for the OTA error diagnosis procedure before calling the car in a repair shop. Humor me and imagine the dialog between the owner of a black-screen Tesla S and the person at the other end of the call. ‘Please press down the sutdown button for ten seconds for a hard reboot of the car; wait for it to reboot, and see if that fixes it. If the problem persists, call on-site tech support at the following number.’ And I don’t imagine fixing the display being an easy job as it used to be in the good old days of analog video technology. Remmeber when a snowy TV set could be quick-fixed by a friendly smack over the tube’s box? Try doing it to the tablet in the Tesla. However, apart from this IT-Department-related inconvenience, the most annoying feature of this old Model S is not its freedom-melting dependability on a higher, all-controlling authority but its center armrest—at least, according to the detailer. The interior is otherwise worthy of a thumbs-up. With its almost airtight sealing from the outside world, it hasn’t had any rodent invaders, water leaks, or other ill-imparting issues. Unsurprisingly, the car runs and drives—the new owner used his Warthog-wrapped Cybertruck as a power bank—and it’ll probably do the same even after decades of sitting unattended, ignored, neglected, or abandoned. This is quite off-putting for most gearheads, whose strong bond with a car is also linked by this particular characteristic of classic cars: ageing together with the owner. If you liked the article, please follow us: